Haven't been blogging in ages. Hehehe. Well, I'm back for today! Just on this because I need to talk ya know. Even if I can just go and talk to someone, I feel that this is more comfortable and I'm more free to express. LOL So today, the girls and I went out to the city for karaoke and Japanese at Mizuya, for my birthday you know. Yeah, my 16th has already passed, it was 4 days ago. Well, it wasn't anything special, I had hoped it'd be though. I planned it, of course. I didn't plan anything big, I just wanted to spend a day out with my close friends and maybe do the 'usual' (karaoke and Seoul-ria) or something. LMAO I wanted to let my friends have a chance to go out and try out new places they'd like to go because some of them rarely get to go out and you know, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity! Yeah, I was pretty damn excited. LOL Jokes, not really. I didn't really have such a nice actual birthday so I was hoping that spending a another day with friends could make up for it.
It was already a disaster in the morning. My Mum totally forgot that I had to get to the station at 11PM so my friends had to wait. And she wouldn't even pick up because she was busy cleaning up at work or something. So, I arrived super late at station and I couldn't get out of the car. Why? Because Cabra is freaking packed in the morning. Mum told me to get out when we were waiting at the lights but I refused. You know, the light could turn green at any moment! She full told me off and Jessie called me to tell me to quickly come out because our train was there. I asked if there were any trains after and she said "no". I was going to go crazy. And Mum was full raging and I was already late and stuff so I even thought about spending the whole day at Cabra! Well, ROFL I cried. You know why? Because we had to full go around Cabra so that I could get dropped off somewhere safe. Mum kept telling me off and said, "You should have just jumped out right there". She said that there were no cars coming that time.
But there was! And I cried. Do you know why? Because right then and there, I yelled back that I should have jumped out and at least I wouldn't have to hear her telling me off. Yeah, I thought about dying. How silly. I hate it when I do that. But whatever, it was nothing. It didn't last that long. I didn't want to let anyone see, I couldn't so I just stopped. I hate it when people see my tears, you know? So, I just quickly dried them up and ran out of the car to my friends who weren't there... Turns out they were hiding, whatever. I apologised for being so late and I could see on some faces that they were not happy. I felt so bad! Well, they lied and there was another train coming after. We hopped on that train and it was a new one too! I was a little worried about how I looked. LOL My eyes kind of swell really easily when I cry. That's probably one of the reasons why I hate doing it! I asked Ruby if I had giant eye bags. ROFL But I had an excuse anyway, I stayed up last night streaming the SBS Gayo Daejun.
Oh yeah, LMAO it was pretty good! It's always more exciting when you stream it live because you know all these another people are watching it at the same time and it's happening at the same time too! I was sooooo sleepy during some of the performances towards the end but I became wide awake when TVXQ came out! It was the only performance that I watched in full screen! AHAHAHAH I'm such a crazy fan girl! ♥♥♥ CHANGMIN'S HAIR IS SO LONG! OMG, I HATE IT. I'M SO ANNOYED! I NEED TO FLY TO KOREA AND CHOP IT OFF, IT KEEPS COVERING HIS FACE AND IT'S SO FREAKING THICK. And I was a tad annoyed because TVXQ were wearing half skirts. LOL They had some brown leather thing behind their pants!
Okay, back to today. OMG I just choked. On water. Yeah, but it was pretty bad. My face is probably tomato red but whatever. I choke quite a lot. Not that much but it's still a lot. That reminds me.. I woke up choking on my birthday, it was so scary. I just suddenly got into a choking fit and then had an asthma attack. I haven't had those in ages. I used to choke and get asthma attacks quite a lot. It used to be so bad when I was little, I couldn't breathe and had to go to the hospital and stuff. Oh, I probably choked today and got a mini asthma attack because I ate too much cashews. Sometimes when I eat too many nuts, I get asthma attacks or those coughing fits. Well, I should continue on my little 'rant' about today. LOL Jokes, it's no rant.
The train ride was okay, I guess. It was sometimes silent though. But I enjoyed it. :-) We just talked and talked and talked. Vi and Helen (Tits) were already at the city btw, they went early. Yeah, so when we got to Town Hall, we walked to Mizuya straight away. We met up with Helen and Vi and immediately booked the room and everything. LOL The lady took Ruby's bottle of water because you're not allowed to bring in food and beverages. So it was pretty fun and everything but the food wasn't that great. And some of the girls were checking out the waiters. LMAO We went to the Boxing Day sales the other day and they were checking out a Bi Rain wannabe waiter at Seoul-ria. LULZ Anyway, Mizuya was pretty good but some would probably think 20 bucks a person wasn't worth it. LOL Because not everyone had the chance to sing or didn't get much time to sing and the food wasn't so good. It was so sad when time was running out (We had 2 hours) because i realised not everyone sang much and we didn't do much but eat. LOL And I kind of hogged the microphone. Hehehe.
Well, after that we went to the Kpop shop. As usual, ya know. Didn't even buy anything. ROFL I wouldn't even listen to the albums anyway but I do like posters! :-D I think we spent too much time in there and we didn't end up buying much. Vi bought a SNSD phone charm and Cindy bought a Beast postcard pack. They took heaps of photos in there. LOL It was all good for a while but then someone said something to me that hurt. It wasn't anything big but it wasn't nice. I usually just forget about it and I did but I was just a little annoyed. But yeah, I forgot it soon anyway. However, I still had this really depressing feeling. LOL I'm not even really sure why. Well, I was just a little moody okay! It is my time of month. AHAHAHAH That was probably why I was 'hurt'. I just kept it in anyway, so whatever. So we just walked around Paddy's Markets a little and Helen was thirsty so we went to Easy Way. And I just kind felt a little moody. I was just so annoyed.
I think I was a little pissy because Jessie and Lidia kept separating from us and because of the incident before. I just wanted to hang with them! It was around 4ish and some people said they had to get home. Vivien and Tiffany had to be home by 5 so they wanted to go to central. I think most people also wanted to go home because they finished what they wanted to do and were probably tired. I wanted to go to Happy Lab! You know, to get happy! Jokes, I wanted to get some jelly beans and popcorn. I called Jessie and Lidia and they said they were at Westfield. Lidia has been trying to find her brother a present these days. LOL Jessie put me on hold after a while when I was trying to find out where Happy Lab was and to meet up with them. Later when I tried to call them, they wouldn't pick up. I think that's why I was kind of annoyed too! I get irritated too easily, I need to fix this. Nah, it's probably just because I've got my you-know-what.
It was just so ARGH! I kept thinking weird thoughts and stuff. You know, those depressing thoughts. And people wanted to go home so I told them they could just go if they wanted to but I wanted to go to Westfield. But the problem was that I didn't really know the way. LMAO I'm hopeless at remembering the way around the city! Yeah and some people didn't mind so whatever but we couldn't make up our mind. We just stood in the middle of nowhere because we couldn't decide whether to go to Town Hall or Central. And nobody realised that we were wasting time just standing there. Weren't they trying to get home as soon as possible and could not go ALL the way to Westfield because it was too far and time consuming? Well, standing there and talking about other stuff isn't going to get you home ASAP anyway. Well, I was a little bit pissed, okay! And what happens when I keep it all in? I explode! Well, I didn't really explode because I was still trying to hold it in. People were slowly realising that I wasn't my usual self and that I was a little bit moody or something.
ROFL Yeah, I was starting to tear up. But I sucked in it. AHAHAH That sounds funny. I sucked it in but stupid thoughts kept playing in my head so I kept getting almost teary. This was happening again and again and again. OMG This is like the worst feeling ever! When you don't want anyone to see you cry so you hold it in and it's all good for a while but then you think of something gay and they try to squeeze their way out of your eyes again! Gosh, so annoying! Yeah, so I'm pretty good at holding it in but I knew people could tell because I kept isolating myself-ish, while we were walking. And I kept seeing people looking at me at the corner of my eye. That's it, it was pretty obvious. I was trying to act like I was fine and everything but clearly I wasn't. I avoided eye contact and slightly teared up every time someone looked into my eye. But I still continued to act like that. I wanted to let them know I wasn't so happy but I didn't want to show them my tears. It's just a sign of weakness, you know. I just don't like that. Anyway, whenever I stopped the tears from coming out, someone would look at me or speak to me to make it worse.
Ruby probably could tell something was wrong so she tried to make conversation with me. It was so gay. I was so pissed at her for being such a loser. Ruby: Hey, so do you like that your birthday is on Christmas? Me: No. Ruby: Why not? You should feel honoured to share the same birthday as Jesus. Me: I'm not as holy as you and Tram. Then she totally made it better by saying that nobody would care that it was my birthday and only think about Christmas. Thanks for that, I really appreciated it. And I just tried to act normal and everything but it was so annoying. Me: Yeah, it's not that special. I don't really care. So I just walked away. I usually wouldn't care if anyone made comments about how it's a disadvantage that I was born on Christmas and whatever but I was already pissed then, how was that going to make it better? Was she trying to provoke me on purpose? So, since people started realising how 'depressed' I was, they decided to go to Westfield with me. It's gay because even though I can go and be happy at Happy Lab, everyone's faces were like D:I something like that. LOL
And when we finally got to Westfield, everyone was going to stay outside because Ruby had a stitch and some people obviously didn't need to go get lollies. I told Cindy to come with me but she didn't look too happy but whatever, she still went. We've been friends for AGES, just saying. And Ruby and Jenny suddenly ran after us and joined us. Because I felt bad for making everyone walk all the way to Westfield with me for confectionary, I decided to hurry to come back quickly. So, I ran up the escalators to level 5 but the others were lagging anyway. Since, I got there, I should've appreciated you know, so I tried my best to put on a happy face and cheerfully ran up the escalators. It's not that easy to act all happy when I was so pissed. Well, I was also hoping the stupid annoyed feeling would go away and the tears would come out again. So, I tried to be happy in Happy Lab and everything but it was pretty customer-less in there. I got my jelly beans and we went back down to meet up with everyone else.
Vi called and said she was going to Cotton On at the bottom floor to get some $1 earrings that she bought last time at the Boxing Day sale but lost a pair or something. So, they shopped and we had to look for them. It was nothing, anyway. However, Helen and Vivien were in Super Dry or something when we were outside waiting for them. We waited and we knew Vivien and Tiffany was supposed to go home. There wasn't enough time to get home in time. Vi was pissed or something, she called Helen/Vivien and told Helen to hurry up. Yeah, Helen told me after that she got scared because Vi was swearing at her and everything. I wasn't really aggro at Helen and Vivien or anything, I was actually scared that Vivien would be pissed at me. You know, because I made them walk all the way to Westfield for jelly beans! Well, I wanted popcorn too! Yeah, so it turns out Jessie wouldn't pick up because they bought me Happy Beans and they didn't want to tell me.. LOL That's funny.
Well, I really appreciated that. They said they walked all the way to Westfield for me. Oh! And as soon as I saw the two of them, I was in a good mood instantly! I don't know why, I think they were the only ones who didn't give me that look I don't like. I don't know, they look that shows no respect. They were probably just tired but whatever, I was hoping we'd have a great jolly day! LMAO Well, Lidia made it all better when we were waiting for the train. She didn't really do anything special but she showed me that she actually cared and stuff. She was happy to see me and it gave me a nice feeling. I was actually happy. The train ride back was so much better even though I was squished to the window and even though it was super hot. I genuinely had fun in the train! We talked about different things, funny stuff and memories from the previous years when Lidia, Jessie and Ruby still went to our school. It's so sad that they're all in different schools now. :'( LOL I just wrote an essay. And I still have more to write..
So, when I went home, I felt okay. I told my sister about my day, not in too much detail. Yeah, she was pissed for me. LOL My sister is not as nice as me. Well, I was a little disappointed that the only people who gave me presents were Jessie and Lidia. Don't get me wrong, I didn't make a little birthday outing just for presents. It's just that I put so much effort into each person's birthday when they celebrate it and all my friends do so I do kind of expect something in return. But when I turned up, there were no 'Happy Birthday!'s or at least cards. I was really hurt by that inside. I even thought maybe they'd get me something small while we were there, but there was nothing. And I usually don't get anything from them anyway so I don't really expect much but this year, my family didn't do anything for me. I didn't want to let anyone know though. It's not really embarrassing but I'm a person with a bit of pride so I don't like revealing things I don't like, it hurts my pride. LOL Whenever people asked me what I did or received for my birthday/Christmas, I would just smile and say that I ate what I liked with my family and got money. But honestly, it was nothing much. I just ate Samgyupsal, which I like but I kind of ate alone. And my parents didn't do anything for me but my aunty gave my $$.
It's not that I'm angry that my parents didn't give me anything, they just didn't say anything or do anything for me. Mum tried to get cake but I told her not to worry about it. We were also having some problems in the family. The only thing I wanted was for a birthday where every single person in my family (which is only 4) was present to wish me a happy birthday. During the previous years, we'd always have some issues with my Dad at the end of the year for some reason and he never showed up for my birthday or my sister's. I don't really blame my parents though, it's kind of hard for them to express themselves sometimes. I think that's why my sister and I seem so 'cold'. I don't like expressing myself to people much because I'm not good at it and I kind fear their response too. My friends tease me about how I don't like skinship and stuff but it's not that I don't like it. I'm just not super comfortable with some people and they make me feel awkward. And they say that I am awkward. LOL I also think it's because I don't like my little chest touching others'. LMAO My parents never really express those lovey or touchy stuff with my sister and I so we don't really like it. Well, it's kind of just me. I don't mind hugging my sister! I really like it when I'm having a bad day and she gives me a warm hug! AHAHAHAH This sounds weird coming from me.
Sometimes people just don't allow me to express myself or comfortably hug them because they will just push me away and say that I'm too awkward. Yes, I am but I don't need those hugs and things all the time. It'd just be nice if you'd comfort me when I actually need it. Yeah, so it's pretty hard for my family and I to express our feelings to each other. It's not cool. ROFL And people always say that I'm so 'cold' or 'heartless' and I don't really mind but sometimes their comments do hurt, especially when I'm already in a bad mood. OMG I still haven't written about what I initially came here for! I should just hurry and finish it up! SO, I went home today and went on Twitter. Yeah, and someone was tweeting about how disappointed they were with today. And also about how their father has a bad impression of us. LOL What about your children? No offence. Well, there isn't anything wrong with them but look at them before you judge us. Again, they're too quick to judge. The other day she also said that Marie was a bad influence. LOL WTF? I don't even swear or use the letter 'F' usually but I just did. Whatever, that's another story. She tweeted about how if someone doesn't keep their word, they don't get anything. I'm pretty sure that was directed at me...
It's probably about how I said last time that I might pay half for everyone for Mizuya. Yeah, I didn't shout everyone. I never said it was my shout though. About a week ago, she tweeted something like, Yay! City next week, Lindale's shout. And then she said she was joking and that she's not mean. Okay, I guess that means you want to pay for yourself. Also, some people said they didn't want to make me pay and that they'll pay for themselves. I wasn't really sure what to do but when the time came, RUby just collected everyone's money to pay. Okay, so we chipped in. I guess I'm fine with that. Usually, when we got out on someone's birthday we pay for ourselves and for that person too. But in this case, no. No one paid for me but I don't really care anyway. So, she was pretty much saying that, I didn't keep my word that I'll pay half for everyone, I don't get anything for my present. Okay then.. So a while back, she canceled getting a present for someone in our group because they called her 'Stingy'. I didn't reveal this before but yeah, that was the word. I don't find it THAT insulting. I even think it's true, actually. Suits her perfectly, she refuses to get me at least a card for my birthday because I didn't pay half her part. Because that's totally not stingy you know.
I don't know if it's like 'resolved' now but it probably is over. LMAO She was probably blogging about it. Too bad I don't know the link to her new blog. Well, whatever. Anyway, let me tell you how it kind of ended. So I tweeted, "Want a clap?" It wasn't necessarily directed to her. ROFL Then, Helen tweeted, "Stop guise". or something like that. Yeah, she was probably sensing it because they had a little fight like that because of those kind of tweets that didn't mention anyone but was directed to someone, if you know what I mean. Well, I think it's over now. Not really sure though. Yeah, but she kept tweeting about it! Seriously dude, I got it the first time, no need to keep repeating the same sugar honey iced tea. And I think she stopped because Helen said to.. LOL Ciao!
Lindale.
